Your Favorite NewZ and FunnieZ for 2024
Vol. 135 We're back baby
Kardashian voice: OK, guys. We’re baack. Did you miss us? ‘Cause we missed you.
New year and allllll the newZ! I have two big announcements coming, but as per youzh, I am still ironing out details behind the scenes. Also true to form, I am already behind and it’s only the 4th day of the year, so I decided I may as well just put together a newZ post and kick this New Year into high gear. 🙌 Which is, in a funny way, related to the announcements! But I digress. Stay tuned for some exciting forthcoming changes here at I Have Zlata Thoughts, and sorry to be a tease! (But am I?)
It’s the first week of 2024, and the newZ isn’t going to write itself. Or maybe with AI it will. But not today. And not ever here on ZlataThoughts.
We’ve got a free issue to kick off the year — HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU! — chockful of the newZ you need, the gossip you don’t but love anyway, and the funniest jokes from the depths of the internet.
In an effort to be able to KEEP THIS BABY RUNNING, many of these newsletters will be for paid subscribers. The Substacks take countless hours (really!) and while I love giving you all the NewZ, StorieZ, ABZs, and FunnieZ, time is money, honey. So with that, I would greatly appreciate your support in a subscription so you never miss a beat!
Here. We. Go!
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NewZ
Incogno-no. Google will settle a privacy lawsuit. The 2020 class-action suit alleges Google misled users about Incognito Mode, making them think the company wouldn’t track their activity, when in fact, it did just that. The suit originally sought $5B, and the final amount will be issued by a judge next month. To be fair, Google used the little spy icon for those tabs. Like they kinda told us they were spying on us. We probably should have seen this coming.
There’s no escaping the power of advertising. Prime Video says it will begin introducing limited advertisements in series and movies starting January 29. They said they hope to have “meaningfully fewer ads than linear TV” but we’ve been sold this bill of goods once before. For just $2.99 monthly …AH THERE IT IS!... Users can opt into an ad-free option. 😑
Speaking of Why Don’t I Have Cable Again? T-Mobile is adding Hulu to its “On Us” bundle that includes ad-supported Netflix, Apple TV+ and MLB.TV with its Go5G Next Plan. I feel like they’re just putting words in a cup like dice, shaking it up, and seeing what tumbles out. Is this real life?
NBC has announced that Snoop Dogg will be serving as a Special Correspondent for the 2024 Paris Olympics this July. Sure to bring broadcasts to new highs, Snoop said in a statement, “It’s going to be the most epic Olympics ever, so stay tuned, and keep it locked.” Pass the torch, my nizzle.
Mark Cuban received approval to sell a majority stake in the Dallas Mavericks for $3.5 billion to Las Vegas Sands Corp. He bought the team in 2000 for $285 million. Proving once again that, with just a few hundred million dollars, anything is possible.
Jumping to conclusions. In disturbing video footage this week, a man leaped over a Las Vegas judge’s bench and assaulted her after she denied him probation.
You know you’re a different level of a**hole when even Miami is sick of your sh*t. Security staffers at Kanye West’s favorite 5-star hotel in the Magic City told Page Six they were growing tired of his antics, particularly his tendency to have constant late-night guests and parties.
Get your cocktail glasses and/or anti-anxiety meds filled: The three-part reunion for Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City kicks off next Tuesday, January 9 at 8p.
On January 28, CNN premieres The Many Lives of Martha Stewart, a four-part series that chronicles the self-made billionaire’s rise to fame, from her time on Wall Street to federal prison to her most recent thirst traps. May we all find some Martha confidence in ourselves in 2024.
FunnieZ
Gems from the vault.
Thanks in advance for your support! Have a great day!
x
Z.