I Have Zlata Thoughts

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The Pitch Bitch is back + FunnieZ + A SALE!

zlatathoughts.substack.com

The Pitch Bitch is back + FunnieZ + A SALE!

Vol 73. Happy Birthday to Me

Zlata Faerman
Feb 28
5
8
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The Pitch Bitch is back + FunnieZ + A SALE!

zlatathoughts.substack.com

Helloooo friendZ! It’s Tuesday, the 28th day of February. It’s also … my birthday! To celebrate this year, I’m going to try and stress less and enjoy every moment. Just really feel the gratitude. I want for EVERYONE to be happy and healthy and just treat others the way we’d want to be treated.

It’s been quite a year, and so much of it happened right here with you, my faithful readerZ. Thanks for being part of my journey with Substack. About a year ago, I dove into this platform with some ambition, a lot of content ideas, and half a plan. Today, there are thousands of you who subscribe to read this newZletter! I’m humbled and thankful, and so motivated to keep learning and bringing a mix of content to the people. To MY people! 

From newZ to funnieZ to Affiliate ABZs, I work hard to stay in your inbox with stuff you care about. And literally nothing makes me happier than hearing that you get value out it! I love reading your thoughtful comments and smart questions, and I’m forever grateful for having this platform. 

Allllll this to say: To celebrate my birthday this year, I’m giving 20% OFF for new paid subscribers!

If you’ve been reading this for a while (you know who you are!) and enjoy what you read, consider becoming a supporting subscriber. Not only will you open my paywalled sections, but you’ll also get access to my Pitch Bitch Segment, exclusive events like Ask Me Anything sessions, along with all my archives — currently a whole year’s worth of posts, and I add more every week! This small contribution gives me the opportunity to spend more time producing more content — and isn’t that what we all want!? 

Get 20% off for 1 year

Today I’ve got some newZ, a new Pitch Bitch example, and of course, the best laughs on this side of the internet. Let’s do it!


NewZ

  • Spotify news has launched an AI DJ. The feature provides a curated selection of music with AI commentary, with a voice based on Spotify’s Xavier “X” Jernigan (“The Get Up”). Back in my day, an “AI curated selection” meant opening a Pandora radio station based on Missy Elliott. 

  • Boo, tomato, tomato. There is a tomato shortage in the U.K., where I guess it’s a to-mah-to shortage.

  • Warner Bros. Discovery is suing Paramount Global over streaming rights to new episodes of South Park, the one show we can count on to always stick its thumb in the eye of cancel culture.

  • Jeff Titus, a man who served 21 years of a life sentence for a crime he did not commit, was exonerated and released from prison on Friday. Titus was the subject of the Investigation Discover series Killer in Question and a podcast called Disclosed, which, together, uncovered evidence that led to Titus’s release. I don’t even need to read this whole article to know that women were responsible for the show, the podcast and his release. 

  • G - L - A - M - O - R - O - U - S / B - A - N - A - N - A - S. A man with a business class ticket ordered a vegan meal aboard Japan this week, and the entire meal was a banana.   


FunnieZ

Yes. Please.

Twitter avatar for @IHideFromMyKids
I Hide From My Kids @IHideFromMyKids
Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said “it means you can go ahead of me” so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday
4:24 PM ∙ Feb 23, 2023
1,303Likes172Retweets
Twitter avatar for @clhubes
Lucy Huber @clhubes
Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time.
3:03 AM ∙ Feb 23, 2023
57,457Likes1,160Retweets
Twitter avatar for @simoncholland
Simon Holland @simoncholland
One of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the car.
10:07 PM ∙ Feb 21, 2023
608Likes47Retweets
Twitter avatar for @BiologyCarly
Carly Anne York, Ph.D. @BiologyCarly
The lengths we'll go to avoid the metric system
Image
12:51 PM ∙ Feb 22, 2023
16,293Likes1,719Retweets
Twitter avatar for @jillboard
Jill Gutowitz @jillboard
the drunk dialing of your 30s is consuming too much caffeine then sending your friends unhinged and basically unnecessary voice memos
5:55 PM ∙ Feb 19, 2023
1,472Likes103Retweets
Twitter avatar for @ErinChack
erin chack @ErinChack
ME: i'm only afraid of two things: public speaking and ghosts [later, on stage] CROWD: BOOOOOOOO ME: oh no
11:10 PM ∙ Feb 20, 2023
3,903Likes431Retweets

Pitch Bitch

Bringing you a new Pitch Bitch this week with some fresh samples of pitches from my inbox. Paid subscribers can read all the deets below. It’ll also be posted on the Pitch Bitch page. As a refresher, these posts are to educate publicists who are out here fighting the good fight with their pitching, as told from the perspective of a writer/editor.  

When it comes to PR, the whole purpose of having a publicist is to have someone out there hitting the street with your brand/product message, getting it in front of whoever needs to see it as often as possible. That means actively pitching people like me in the media who are looking for products and services to cover for any number of angles and stories I might be working on. 

As a writer/editor, I need to know: 

  • What this is 

  • How it works 

  • Why my readers can’t live without it  

So let’s look at some recent examples and my thoughts on how it could have been better/what to do next time:

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