The best newZ of the day is here to save you
Vol. 117 I said what I said
HelloZ
Midweek mania: COMMENCE. Do you ever have a week where you decide on Monday you’ll be productive, but then by Wednesday you have still accomplished NONE of Monday’s ambitions, and so you just decide you are bad at everything and give up? No, me neither. I’m rocking and rolling and really excited about some new agency partnerships that have lined up! ALSO, my son’s birthday is tomorrow and I just KVELL over my little mensch.
If your Wednesday is feeling shitty, I have great news for you: It’s almost over! In the meantime, stop working, stop caring about things that don’t care about you, and read some dumb jokes about this week’s trending news stories. Will it make your responsibilities go away? No! Will it help you feel better about them? Probably not! So you might as well enjoy the next 4.7 minutes, right?
The answer is Yes.
MTV VMAs 2023 Recap
You never thought that hip-hop would take it this far… The VMAs were last night and what a show it was. It was a night clearly built for Xennials/ Millennials, and we ate it TF up, relishing in the hip-hop and pop culture moments that raised us right. Were there also K-pop stars? The Olivia Rodrigo girl? A token rock band named Maneskin? Yes, of course. BUT I see the pieces of life I want to see, okay? This year’s VMA brought me back to the good old days and I’m recapping the parts I care about.
P.Diddy put on a performance straight out of 1997 and took home a Global Icon Award, presented to him by none other than Queen Mary J. Blige herself.
NSync reunited on stage for the first time in a decade, but only for a brief appearance to present an award to Taylor Swift, who was absolutely fangirling all night.
Shakira was recognized with a Video Vanguard and reminded us how little her hips lie as she delivered a very on-brand dance and singing compilation that ended with her crowd surfing in the audience.
Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion paired up for a racy set of Bongos.
Host Nikki Minaj debuted a few new bops in addition to bringing out rap royalty Lil Wayne (who also opened the show), Doug E. Fresh, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, LL Cool J, and Darryl McDaniels from Run-DMC for a spectacular closing tribute the night deserved.
ShowZ & Media AffairZ
Get ready for Zillow Gone Wild, a new HGTV program showcasing quirky homes and their histories, as inspired by the Instagram account. Debuting early 2024. I literally had this idea.
Season 32 of Dancing With the Stars moves from Mondays to Tuesdays, premiering September 26.
In its continual bid to ensure we’re always clawing at the next new thing, Apple introduced four new iPhone models at its annual fall product event this week, promising longer batteries, better processors, and a new charging cord, starting at the low low price of $799. Crazy inflatable arm guy fades to black. ~I~
TLC’s 90 Day Fiance is back for Season 10, premiering Sunday, October 8 at 8p.
NewZ
“Ground Control, We Have A Shituation.” In news that turns my stomach and cranks up the anxiety with horrifying imagination, a Delta flight going from Atlanta to Barcelona was forced into turning around and make an emergency landing last week because a passenger had diarrhea and it went into the cabin, causing what the pilot called a “biohazard.”
Jimmy’s Fallon From Grace: According to a new Rolling Stone piece, Jimmy Fallon is apparently a terrible boss and co-worker. The article featured 14 prior and 2 current employees for The Tonight Show, who called the workplace toxic and repeated longstanding rumors of Fallon’s alcohol abuse.
Jamie Lynn Spears is joining Season 32 of Dancing With The Stars. Spears also said she would be donating her salary to the workers on strike “I want to give back to them during at time when they can’t give back to themselves,” she said.
Meghan Markle reunited with her Prince this week at the Invictus Games in Germany. The couple seemed extraordinarily (strategically?) happy together in their photos.
After a week of public workplace drama, the popular podcast Mean Girls has been booted from the Barstool Sports platform, and Dave Portnoy announced Tuesday he was not renewing contracts for hosts Jordyn Woodruff and Alex Bennett.
Fun Fact
The name 'avocado' has some rather intimate origins. The indigenous populations of Mexico and Central America originally used the term "āhuacatl" in their Nahuatl language to refer to both avocados and as a euphemism for testicles. Which totally makes sense when you think about it.
FunnieZ
Take a walk with me and enjoy your joke break.
Love these? Tell a friend! Your support is EVERYTHING to me.
Also, don’t forget that I STARTED A SLACK COMMUNITY and you should totally join it! We be thriving over there.
Have a great day, friendZ!