How Can I Possibly Be Inconspicuous? NewZ and FunnieZ + PITCH ME!

Vol. 115 When my flow is so f–g ridiculous

Sep 06, 2023

Miss me?! I missed you. School’s back in sesh tomorrow and we’re all back on our bullshit. It’s a new month and I’m ready to rock it. But will it rock me instead? Stay tuned and find out with me! I’ve got a fresh new assignment hot of the press, and an excellent newZ roundup if I do say so myself.

Call For PitcheZ!

It never gets old saying that, honestly. A new assignment from Clean Plates just rolled in! It is due NEXT WEDNESDAY, so please send me your best pitches ASAP. I’ve already started my draft and I’d love to consider you/your client’s products!

Assignment: Drinks to Help You Relax If You’re Cutting Out Alcohol

How to pitch:

Email zlatapitches@gmail.com with the related subject line.
When applicable, please include product name, a description, link(s) where it can be purchased.
Please create a new email for each pitch so that I can stay organized.

NewZ

Since we last spoke, the world is short a few influential souls. Beloved gameshow host and actor Bob Barker died at age 99, Parrothead Patriarch Jimmy Buffett passed away from complications of skin cancer, and Steve Harwell from Smashmouth died from alcoholic liver disease. The years start coming and they don’t stop coming. Until they do.

Snapchat, best known as a place to make bad decisions that vanish in 10 seconds (except screenshots, right, Chris D’Elia?), has surpassed TikTok as the fastest-growing app, boosting its user base by 13.4% so far in 2023.

Video hosting and publishing platform Brightcove is partnering with Pinterest on an integration that allows Brightcove customers to add Pinterest business accounts as social destinations.
Snapchat's Dreams AI feature lets you turn yourself into a realistic computer-generated mermaid or renaissance royal. Is this real fkng life? Are we all on the same planet in the same galaxy WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING?????

Existential dread but make it artsy. For its upcoming Season 3, Euphoria will go “film noir,” according to creator Sam Levinson who teased that Rue (played by Zendaya) would “explore what it means to be an individual with principles in a corrupt world.”
Coming to a skating rink near you: Shiplap, subway tiles, and terrible fall decor. Chip and Joanna Gaines are producing a new televised competition that features the top roller-skating crews in America in a roller-skating dance competition. Did you know that we keep track of the best roller-skating crews? America, baby.

Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner are filing for divorce in what the pair have called a “united decision.” Perhaps they should have tried more of those…

If you build it, they will come and take half your stuff. Kevin Costner has been ordered to pay $63k a month in child support, dodging the $161k bullet his former wife Christine Baumgartner was asking for. After the ruling went in Costner’s favor, Christine vowed she’d be going back to school and re-entering the workforce to make her own income and ensure she and her kids would be able to financially survive on just $756,000 a year.
Unseasonably heavy rains turned the desert-based Burning Man festival into a shitshow mudfest that stranded 1000s of concertgoers for days.